Intimacy

Lets talk about Intimacy!

A lot of people assume that to be intimate with a person you have to be sexual or that when you are sexual with someone you are being intimate, which is not true.

The most clear cut explanation I can give is that a sexual contact or relationship is about being physical where intimacy is more emotional and mental. I am not saying that having a sexual relationship with out intimacy is wrong I just want to guide people on how to create intimacy.

Intimacy by definition is the close connection that is created through an intense relationship, knowledge and experience together. For true intimacy to occur there must be communication, understanding and reciprocation.

Communication is important in creating an intimate relationship, you have to trust each other enough to be open about your self, your, wants, your needs along with them expressing the same to you. Understanding is also a necessity. When you are communicating you have to actually hear what they are expressing not just listen to the words. You have to understand their fears, insecurities and longings and be able to act in ways to eliminate those fears or meet those longings. Some times people do not acknowledge their own feelings so it is important to understand what they say not just the words. The third key component is reciprocation. When someone is trying to build intimacy with another person it is important that the other person is ready for that step also.

In many cases one or both people in a relationship have a fear of intimacy. Maybe they have been hurt by someone or seen someone emotionally scared by a person they loved. That does not mean they can never have intimacy it means that they may need a little more of the communication and understanding part of it!

I am going to share tips I found on About.com
Written by Cory Silverberg posted on 01/12/09
“How to increase Sexual Intimacy through Touch”

The actual article is on about.com I am taking her article and explaining it the way I understand it and putting in my own view with hers. The Ideas and method is all from the original article!

Take time to touch- doing this will take time and you do not want distractions. Please remember intimacy is not something you can do, as a quickie… a quickie is purely sexual lol. So when you want to achieve sexual intimacy make sure you and your lover can block off time and space that will be the most beneficial for you!!

Ground Yourself- this exercise is almost like mediation your mind and energy has to be in the right set. So before starting make sure to relax your own mind and body so that you can truly be focused on your lover. Maybe take a walk before hand or something that will get all distractions out of your mind!

Make your partner comfortable- what are some things that will relax your partner… a hot uninterrupted bath? Make sure they are in a position that is comfortable for them.
Set the Mood- keep the lighting soft and the temperature comfortable. If you play music make sure it is low and non-distracting, maybe use music with out words or nature sounds. Setting the mood affects the whole feeling!!

Suggest eyes closed- when a person has their eyes closed or blind folded they can concentrate more on the touch and less on their own self conscious feelings.

Take your partner in- look non-judgmentally at your partner. They are showing them selves to you and letting their personal guards down to you appreciate all that they are sharing with you.
Talk about what you love on your partner- Tell your partner about the parts of their body you love… try not to focus just on the obvious talk about how you love the curve of their elbow or there ears or something that you love that maybe others would not notice.

Begin to touch- you can start touch at any part of their body (as this is about intimacy not just sex try not to start on their genitals) start with the lightest touch you can do. The author compared it to the whisper of touches.

Pay close attention- as you touch your partner watch their reaction their movements, noises they make. Also pay attention to the way it feels to you. How different areas are soft, bumpy, bony, fleshy or where there are scars. Enjoy the feeling of their body as they are truly sharing and trusting themselves in your hands.

Touch with more then just fingers- use the back of your hand the palm, If you have long hair some people love the feeling of their lovers hair on them

Experiment with types of touch- you can touch like taps, dragging your finger or hand, lightly use your nails as a gentle scratch, tickle with your hair… judge it by your lovers reaction to what you do.

Play with the intensity of touch- go from the whisper touch to a fuller deeper touch, do not do this drastically change it slowly almost so that it blends and is not noticeable
Add more touch-use more them one hand or body part at a time

Tips:

Energy level- do not be to bouncy it is important to keep the mood sensual and loving this is about being connected and being relaxed

Not about orgasm- this is not about achieving an orgasm or giving one. It is about that connection that is created and felt. An orgasm is not key in all physical connection with your lover. Your goal is satisfaction and relaxation for your lover.